Saturday, October 2, 2010

Where in the World is Ferris Beutler??

My husband, Matt has a nickname. It's "Ferris." When Matt was in college, his friends dubbed him "Ferris" for obvious reasons. His last name is Beutler. He liked it, and it stuck.

When we were dating I knew the minute I heard his nickname, that Matt and I would get married. It was sort of a sign. I remember the exact time and place when it happened. Christmas vacation -- December 23, 1991, around 8:00 p.m. We were with Matt's college friends in a rock climbing gym in the city of Provo. I was half way up the wall when Matt's best friend Clarence Hoffheins, who I had not yet met, walked through the door and yelled:
Hey Ferris!

{Here's the exciting part of the story -- the part where I knew.}
I thought Clarence was talking to ME!

When I got off the wall, I leaned over and whispered to Matt: How did he know my last name?
Clarence said: What???
Then I said: What???
Matt said: Crystal, this is Clarence. Clarence, this is Crystal -- Crystal FARISH!!!

Clarence looked at me, and I looked at him.
Matt said: It's true Clarence, that's her real name.
Clarence laughed and said No WAY!! Prove it.
So I pulled out my wallet showed him my driver's license. Then I said: Who's Ferris??"
And Clarence pointed to Matt and said: He's Ferris.
I said NO WAY!
And Clarence said YES WAY!
Then Matt started his climb up the wall and Clarence said to me:
Hey, if you guys get married your name is going to be Farish Beutler!
That's when I knew. I knew right then and there that Matt and I would get married.
Farish-Beutler.... it's destiny.

Then all of Matt's friends looked at each other; Clarence, Larry, Craig, Mike, Duane and Shawn; and they all smirked. They knew it too. They knew I was going to marry Matt. And Matt -- I have no idea what he was thinking. He was climbing, unaware of the important conversation taking place down below. If I had to guess, he was thinking something Homer Simpson-ish like:  Doughnuts . . . doughnuts are good.

Now you have to understand something: the fact that we all knew at the very same time -- this was monumental! Matt and I had been single for umpteen years. I was 33, and he was 31!!! In Mormon time, we had been on the dating circuit for a long, long time. Too long according to our parents. They had pretty much given up on us. Matt's friends --  they'd seen many girlfriends come and go. But Crystal Farish, she was the one!!

And me,  I had kissed many a frog, but here HE was -- "Ferris", the prince of all princes! A little sweaty (due to the rock climbing) and a little bald, but that didn't matter at all. Farish and Beutler. True love at last. It was a little like finding the girl who fit the glass slipper, but in this case it was a name and a rock climbing shoe. When Clarence uttered the words Hey Ferris! Poof!!... the curse of being in a single's ward forever was broken, and we lived happily ever-after. Even the 7 dwarfs --- I mean the 5 bachelors: Larry, Duane, Craig, Mike and Shawn. They eventually got married too.
Thank you Clarence, you saved us all.

So there you have it. The tale of what brought us together. We didn't get married for another two years,but that boys and girls, is a story for another day. Pretty magical, huh!

I've legally been Crystal Farish Beutler for 16 years now. It's spelled differently than Ferris Beuhler, but it sounds the same when you say it really fast. Do you know that during our marriage ceremony, the officiator guffawed when he read our names! Imagine that, a sweet little old man (and by old I mean 80's) got the joke too. You'd be surprised how handy it is to have a name like Farish Beutler. I mean, how many times have you been in a crowd when some comedian yells: Beuhler, Beuhler.... anyone.... anyone?? That's when I yell: Hey, who said that? I'm Farish Beutler!! I proudly pull out my wallet. And the whole crowd cheers when I show the comedian my ID. In fact, when my kids were toddlers we were standing in a long line at the entrance to the San Diego Zoo, when a zoo employee yelled: Beuhler, Beuhler.....anyone......anyone???? That's right! I showed him my ID. He said: NO WAY!!!!!!! and gave me 4 free passes to the zoo. Sometimes you get freebees when you are semi-famous.

So, in answer to the question: "Where in the World is Ferris Beutler?" Farish Beutler is at her computer composing this post, and Ferris Beutler is in India trapped in a bathroom because he was foolish enough to eat cashews that tasted like hard boiled eggs. (He thinks he as a cast iron stomach and that nothing will phase him. Up until today it was true.)
India you say? Yes, it's true. That lucky slum dog. I haven't seen him in a mighty long time. Two weeks ago he was in Chicago. Last week he was in Israel, and this week..... India. When I heard he was trapped in a bathroom, I got a little nervous. Before he left, I warned him over and over again: You are not a super hero!!! Get your shots.!!! Pack some Imodium!!! But did he listen????? No, dag nabbit! He was watching my mouth move, but his thoughts were elsewhere: Donuts, donuts are good. I hope he doesn't bring home some horrible disease that he'll be fighting for the rest of his life. Then old Ferris, he be having a lot of "days off!"

This post is for you Ferris, wherever you are.
You are missed.


R Max said...

You are tooo funny!!!!
(So, um... exactly how many frogs did you kiss?)

Doug and Kristen said...

Hope Ferris makes it home soon and without need of a toilet every 5 minutes :)

SLP said...

Ok, LOVING this story. You need to blog more of these stories!!!
I was in India while pregnant with Theo and I have similiar stories about being trapped but also strapped and attacked. But those are for another day:)
Keep up the awesome posts!!

JenniferCR said...

Wow, what an awesome story! I loved ready should definetly write more of these (someone already suggested that)!

Kristi said...

that is my all time favorite movie. my kids hate watching it with me because I just say all the words.
I am very cute, I am very alone, and I am very protective of my body. I do not want it violated or killed. all right? speak any english?
destiny indeed.