Saturday, February 20, 2010

I love you, I hate you

I have a confession: I have a love-hate relationship with the Olympics.

Here' what I love about the winter games:

Opening ceremonies. I love watching the athletes walk into Olympic stadium. I love the excitement on their faces -- like they just can't believe they are marching around waving a flag in the OLYMPICS! I love looking at all the outfits. It's a sportswear fashion show! I always wonder what kind of hat the United States is going to wear. Loved the Ralph Lauren hat this year .... but have you tried to buy one??? Seventy-five dollars my friend, $75.00! Who does Ralph think he is -- a superstar designer!! My personal favorite is the beret of the Salt Lake games. Too cool and it was only about $20.00!!

I feel sorry for the country that had to wear brown. I wear lots of brown ... but brown is just not a color I think of when I think sports.... and Olympics. Plus, no one watches the guy in brown. He fades away -- even if he's in first place! Can you even name the country that is wearing brown.... I can't! I'm sure they haven't got any medals.... and it's all because of the brown. They should have consulted with Ralph Lauren.

I love watching the Olympians battle for gold. That Shawn White is just amazing!! I also like watching the women's downhill and the speed skating. What dare devils!!!!

I love watching the faces of the winners as they stand on on podium listening to their national anthem. There is such joy in their eyes. They look like they are going to burst open, spilling happiness all over the crowd. I can't help but cry as I watch. I have to say I was a little disappointed in Shawn White -- as he waved at friends and played air guitar in lieu of putting his hand over his heart. Matt said that he thinks Shawn was just fine and that I'm an old fogey (Which I don't even know how to spell.) That Shawn White is a scalawag if you ask me!

I love the ice skating commentators. Ice skating would not be the same without Scott Hamilton in the background whispering "aaggggghh" when someone falls. I love sitting on my sofa nerve-wrecked as the Americans skate their long programs. It just might be too much stress for spectators -- my blood pressure goes up at least 20 points watching all the drama. I'm not sure what I think about the men who cry hysterically when they finish their program though. I had to avert my eyes. But I admit.... I would probably go hysterical too if it were me ....which it is not.... and never will be.

I love the closing ceremony when all the pressure is over, It's fun to watch the Olympians laughing and taking pictures as they mingle with people from other countries.

But... here's the dark side -- the things I don't like about Olympic week:

I hate suffering from sleep deprivation because I stay up until all hours watching events I could care less about -- like curling. My friends and I were talking about this at dinner last night. Why is curling even an Olympic event?? Anyone who has ever had to clean a house could try out for the team! I think I might take a stab at the 2014 games. I'm good with a broom and I'm also an expert at kicking stuff out of the way as I frantically sweep (when the doorbell rings by an unexpected visitor) -- which is pretty much what you do in Curling .... except it's on ice. I'd have to check to see if they even make Olympic uniforms in plus sizes. But if Ralph Lauren's in charge, I think he could whip something up that flatters my figure. He did an amazing job with the American Bobsledders who wore Lycra even though some of them sported a few bulges in the mid-section .... if you know what I mean.

Imagine if you will a curling team of middle aged women, dressed in baggy snowbarding pants walking into the Olympic stadium with all those youngsters. Think of the drama -- as they stand on the ice, brooms in hand, ready for the big match against the plus size moms from Bulgaria. One bends over to push that big metal disc and "WHOOOSH" she throws out her back. Scott Hamilton whispers "AAGGGHHH" to all the television viewers who watch in suspense as the old woman has to be carried off the ice by a team of doctors -- denied of a chance to win gold. Or.... imagine the pre-event clips of the moms in training -- I wouldn't be running down a country dirt road with a reflective look on my face -- you would see me standing in the middle of a messy house with a broom in my hand yelling "KIDS... GET OVER HERE AND PICK UP YOUR SHOES..... BOB COSTAS AT THE DOOR!!!" I'm telling you... people would tune in!

I also hate that my regularly scheduled programming is all messed up. I couldn't focus when I watched the latest episode of Lost, so now I'm really lost!! I was too busy worrying about who was going to win the Pairs Skating competition! Is anyone else on pins and needles waiting for The Office episode where Pam has her baby????? I can't wait another week!!!! I think one of those Olympic commentators should give up 30 minutes of yakking so that we can at least tune in for that! What do you think??? Are you with me on this one??


Angie said...

Us too! Chris and I have been enjoying the Olympics so much! The skiing - ugh! I could NEVER do that.

Julie said...

Crystal, Can I be on your curling team??? That was hilarious!

crystal b. said...

Julie.... you can be on my team any time!!!

Lyndsay said...

I laughed really hard at the end of this post. Bob Costas. Ahahahahahaha.