Friday, August 6, 2010

Waiting for Splash Mountain

Disclaimer: If you don't have a teen living in your house, pull up a chair and read this carefully. Maybe read it twice, because those cute little kids of yours ..... they are going to turn on you one of these days. I know you don't want to believe it, but it's true. Consider yourself warned. (You can thank me later, when you are taking your own teen to register for school, and I'm off on the golf course enjoying life.)

See these two adorable children . . .

They thought I was the coolest mom in the world. They LOVED school, and really got into school activities like "wacky hair day." They were so excited when I volunteered to help -- it didn't matter what, they just wanted me to come to their class once a week. They actually begged "Pleeeeease be one of the Room Moms!" So I did -- almost every year. And when I walked into the class, they would give me a friendly wave and whisper to their friends: My Mom is here!

That was then. 

 This is now:

Eden and I got in the car this morning to register for 8th grade. As we were driving, I received a specific set of instructions. It went something like this:


Mom, listen and listen carefully. When we get to the school, no talking, no waving, no asking me if I eat lunch with the kid standing in front of us.
No complimenting any one's new school outfit.
No smiling, no making friends.
Just stand there and look straight ahead. I repeat, stand there and look straight ahead.
I'm serious mom.
Do. Not. Embarrass. Me. This. Year.

Me in Denial: What in the world are you talking about? I never embarrass you!!!


Mom, you do. You are embarrassing.
I hate it when you ask me who I'm waving at, and why I don't say "hi" to some random girl we walk by.
And I really hate it when you try to chit chat with my friends with your "Did you have a fun summer . . ." 
high pitched voice.

Just get out of the car and walk to the line without looking at anyone, talking to anyone, or waving at anyone, O.K.???

I mean it Mom.

Then, Eden gave me the evil eye. I burst out laughing -- so did he.

He wasn't kidding when he said that stuff, nevertheless, it was a funny moment between the two of us.

I got out of the car and said in my best tour guide voice: 

I'm walking . . . I'm walking . . . not smiling . . . not smiling . . . how am I doing Eden, is this what you want?


No. You are talking. Just go look for your friend Channin, and stay put. That's the only person you are allowed to talk to while we are here. Got it?

We walked in silence to the first registration line which wrapped half way around the building. There was an ice cream truck parked along the curb playing happy, peppy music -- a Disney tune from the Little Mermaid.

Eden whispered under his breath: They are trying to make this a fun and friendly, but don't you think it sort of feels like Splash Mountain? Fun and peppy in the beginning, and as you round the corner, the music changes and everything gets dark in dreary right before you fall off a big cliff???

He's right. It did feel like waiting for Splash Mountain, but nobody was buying it. They all knew what was on the inside of the building --teachers, books, and class schedules. The big cliff was coming -- to put a damper on the freedom of summer vacation.

I had to muffle my laugh because I didn't want to be "embarrassing."

Eden's best comment of the day:

I'm going to be so mad if the world ends in 2012, and I've wasted all this time going to school.

Only he would think of something like that.


tomiannie said...

Soooo funny. Thankfully, my kids have kindly agreed to stay little and think I'm the coolest forever. That's going to work, right?

Jenni said...

dying at your son's instructions! ha! i wonder how many of the kids i met last night said the same thing to their parents!!!

kyan thinks my school is so cool now and thinks he wants to go there when he is old enough, i told him that he can make that choice when we get there and that i really love him for saying that, but i am pretty sure that he will be attending his home middle school, not getting a variance (even though i work for the district) to attend mine! he will probably have a choice, my daughter on the other hand...she might have to be watched! ha!

Aim said...

Haa haa haa!

I just posted a post a few weeks ago that was very similar to this!
It's called pit o snakes. check it out sometime.

The joys of teenagers!

Aim said...

ps- my blog is called

sorry I forgot to say that!

I love your blog by the way!

Puttin' Down Roots said...

You KILL ME!!!! I was laughing out loud!! That Eden...I hope my Noah will have a great sense of humor. His comment about the world ending was classic too!

AMCutler said...

Too funny! You are so good at finding the humor in everything!

ShOrt StoRy said...

I love Eden's humor, comments, everything!!! I think your a cool mom, if that means anything! :)

crystal b. said...

Thanks Chels,

I'm glad SOMEONE thinks so.