Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Meanest Mom In the World

A few days ago, I was out in the garage puttering around with power tools when my next door neighbor Amy walked through the rosemary bushes.  She said Hey! 

I said Hey back!  I haven't talked to you in forever, what's going on?

Amy took it from there and we had a long chat in the middle of my driveway about sofas, weight loss, horses, holistic medicine, and our recent adventures raising teenagers.   Smack dab in the middle of the teenager conversation, I discovered something about Amy that I didn't know -- she's  "The Meanest Mom in the World" which totally surprised me.  She's sooooo nice!

How in the world could she be The Meanest Mom?  According to my kids, that title belongs to me!  In fact, I told Amy You can't be The Meanest Mom.  I've proudly held that position for at least three years now.

She said You're kidding. 

I said I'm not kidding.  I hear the phrase "You are Thee Meanest Mom in the World" at least three times a week.  Haven't you heard my kids shouting it from the rooftops during the summer when all the windows are open?

Amy said  Never. Which was a huge relief.  We must have good insulation -- that or Amy is hard of hearing.

And even more baffling is that my friend Rachel recently claimed that she's The Meanest Mom.  I just can't imagine her being mean, or yelling at her kids.  Even if she did, it wouldn't sound harsh, it would sound cool -- she has an Australian accent.

I have to admit, I've heard a lot of my friends claiming to be The Meanest Mom lately.
So who is it really?  We all can't be The Meanest Mom.   I wish the real Meanest Mom would reveal herself and take the heat off the backs of me and my sweet friends.   None of us wants this title.  I'd be happy to bequeath my crown to someone more deserving.

I think I might have to call the mayor of Temecula and suggest a Meanest Mom pageant.  Those of us who are contenders can model our sweat pants, and display our lecturing skills.  Maybe there could even be a yelling contest, and a "question" segment where we talk about the mean things we do to our kids -- like making them load the dishwasher, or pick up their cloths; or grounding them for breaking family rules.

I'm thinking this could catch on in popularity and go international.  I'd love to meet some of the mean moms of Europe and Asia, wouldn't you?  We could compare notes.

But my luck, I would win this contest and then my kids would really have something to brag about.  I would officially be the Meanest Mom and my kids would make t-shirts proclaiming it so -- "We Really Have the Meanest Mom!!"
So for now, I will handle it the way I have always handled it.  I will wear my badge with honor. When my teenagers yell You are the Meanest Mom!!!  I will say what I always say:

You want mean . . . . you don't even know the meaning of the word "mean"!!!  If you want mean, I can pull over right now, and you can walk to school, and starve during lunch hour!!!!   

(We  are usually a block away from school when this happens, and both my kids have money in their pockets.)

Mean Mom, signing off.


Bethany @ Organic Enchilada said...

Boy, I'd love to meet a mean mom from China. Especially if she had a daughter and was ticked off that the family name was going to die out.

My meanest mom moment today, (yes, I count them daily), was when I made my older boys work on their math after two hours of slacking off with video games. Oh, the horror. I'll take that crown of yours now.

Eve said...

Haha. I said so much worse to my parents. I'm pretty much terrified of Wren becoming a teenager someday. Let's just say that if karma is even a little bit real, I'm screwed.

Marilyn said...

Crystal, I'm de-lurking here now because I just need to tell you how much I love reading your blog. Very few blogs I read are written by mothers of teenagers, and almost all of my friends have younger children.

I can relate to so many of your posts and appreciate you sharing your thoughts. I also LOVE your sense of humor!

This post struck a serious nerve with me, because just last night I was in a shouting/crying match with my 15 yr old teenage daughter because apparently I was being a super mean mom. She broke a family rule, and as a result she had to face consequences. Life is rough, huh??

Anyways, thanks so much for sharing your voice. To me, it means a lot to know there are other mom's going through the exact. same. things.

P.S. Danyelle [Dandee] sent me. She's the best! I know you know that already!

P.S.S. Danyelle also gifted me one of your "All Is Well" necklaces and I adore it.

Joy said...

Wow. And here I thought I was the meanest mom is the world. Amazing how many of us share this title! LOL

Genevieve said...

I hate being the meanest mom, but I love sharing this title with such lovely ladies :)

west coast nester said...

ok that one gave me a good chuckle.

Brandon + Chelsea + Ella said...

This reminded me of a friend's post about being a "mean mom" love it:

crystal b. said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts friends. Eve -- Karma does come back around and it bites you in the butt -- let me tell you. Marilyn & Joy -- glad to know are other moms out there defending themselves from the fiery darts of a teenagers. Bethany & Genevieve -- I will pass my crown along to you when your firstborns enter high school. You'll need my shield then too. :) Chelsea, thanks for the link. Loved it.