Friday, February 4, 2011

I am a Super Hero.

I discovered something about myself last night that I didn't know.  I have super powers.  I do!  It was just like in the movies when a ordinary man discovers he can fly, and that bullets bounce right off his chest when he gets shot by a bad guy.  The ordinary man usually makes this discovery in an extremely dangerous situation, which is what happened to me. Last night. When I was with the Student Driver.

It was an ordinary Thursday night in Temecula. The stars were out in mass, crickets were chirping, the streets lights were aglow.  I was busy at my computer when Eden called home and said "Pick me up at the ranch, I'm done with my lesson."  Suddenly the the Student Driver appeared with car keys in hand, which meant I was in for a ride.

We hopped in the car and traveled along at a snail's pace out to the wine country with it's narrow roads, and sprawling ranches.  Cars were passing us left and right.  Some waved a middle-finger greeting as I smiled back and shrugged my shoulders.

All was going well . . . until the Student made a right hand turn onto a busy 2 lane road. That's when my superpowers kicked in.   In my head I willed an impenetrable force field around the car, and simultaneously screamed:

You're driving on the wrong side of the road!!!!!!!!!  
Get to the right lane!!!!!  
Get to the right lane!!!!!! 

My mind physically willed the car over to the right as the Student yelled back:

Be quiet!!!! You are making me sooooo nervous!!!!

My fingers grew knife sharp claws that scratched holes in the leather arm rests.  I yelled back:

I am nervous!!!!!  
I just saw my life pass before my eyes!!

That is when I began to sweat -- bullets.    I averted death.  Just like a super hero.

I thought all was well, but danger reared it's ugly head again -- just like the bad guy in the movies, who you think is dead, but is only mostly dead.

The Student made another turn onto the main thoroughfare.  I put up the force field and screamed:

Hey, you are hugging the right side of the road!!!!! 
You are going to sideswipe all the parked cars!!!!

I heard the tires traveling on dirt and gravel as the Student screamed back:

Stop bugging me!! 
 I swear Mom, you are the worst. 
 Dad never acts like this when he drives with me!!

Luckily, like any good Super Hero, I had a side-kick sitting in the back seat who came to my rescue.  He said:

You are traveling too close to the curb --- can't you hear all those rocks flying!!!!!  
It will be a miracle if we make it home alive. 

By some miracle, we did make it home, but not before we started traveling down the center of  the lane divider and nearly took out a car traveling to our left.  It turned out to be someone we knew -- I hope he didn't think it was me at the wheel.  That would be embarrassing.  But, I've got it covered.  If that guy says anything about it at church next week, I will put up my invisibility cloak -- because I am a super hero.

Post Script:   FYI, the Student is not a reader of the Bog.  If you happen to see her, it would be a good thing not to mention this incident.  I do not want my cover blown.  And all joking aside, some day very soon, she will be a great driver.


Jenni said...

ha! i still remember the first time my dad tried to teach me how to drive a stick...let's just say that i never learned how to drive one and i think my dad smacked me at some point because i was laughing so hard at myself. makes me giggle thinking about it now as i type. good thing we were on the little gravel road!

oh, the joys of learning how to drive!

Puttin' Down Roots said...

my sister just said to me last night (because her son, JUST got his driving permit this week)..."this is going to kill me! It is SOOO stressful! Just you wait!!" I told her she has 4 kids, she'll be an expert by the time my little guy is at that he can go drive with her!!

Daphenie said...

Okay...let's just say I am going through the exact same thing. Including the back seat driver!! I was on the floor laughing hysterically. Wish us all luck!! I definitely need some of your super powers.

Kristi said...

oh my gosh. Ben just about slid into a snowbank. now I am so nervous to drive with him. I know he needs the practice- but yikes, I want to enroll him in some real driver training first! so scary.

tomiannie said...

Hahahahaha! I am pretty sure my mom could have written this post when I was learning to drive, especially the part about being too far too the right. In fact, I think she still secretly thinks I'm a terrible driver.

Every time I read one of these posts about having teenagers, I'm glad my kids have agreed to stay little forever... that will work, right?!