Saturday, March 24, 2012

And the Worst Movie for Cinematography Goes to . . .

I stood in line for 6 hours surrounded by teenagers and parents, all chatting with friends, while stepping over piles of takeout garbage as we progressed towards the doors of Edwards Multiplex.  It was a nice night for waiting, so nobody minded much.  It seemed like the entire town had shown up for the midnight premiere of Hunger Games, the movie -- not the book.
Once inside the lobby, our group ran to the big theatre and found the perfect seats up towards the top.  Kids dispersed to sit as far away from parents as possible; while moms settled in with their blankets and extra large Diet Cokes.

At 12:05 a.m. the Mocking Jay logo appared on the screen and the crowd went wild.  That's the best part of going to a midnight premiere -- the energy of the audience.   I cheered too, which in hindsight disturbs me quite a bit.  When did a lover of historical fiction suddenly become interested in stories about children murdering children?

It wasn't long after the movie began that I sensed trouble.  The camera, slightly blurred and shaky, followed  Katniss Everdeen  running through the forest, panning around the scene so fast my eyes couldn't focus on a single thing.   I thought it would last for a few minutes to set the tone of what was happening in District 12, but it went on and on as my stomach churned and my forehead began sweating.

It was reminiscent of watching old home movies at my uncle's house back in the 70's -- reel after reel of blurred scenery, from every single vacation the man had ever taken, flickering on a homemade screen set up in the shag covered basement.  I can sum up the experience in one word -- Miserable.

As Katniss and Peeta, (who looked like he dressed for 6th grade class picture day), boarded a train that resembled the traveling offices of James West and Artemus Gordon, I gave up watching, and closed my eyes.  It was so disappointing.  For one thing, who wants to see cute Josh Hutcherson looking like a wimp?  And even more important, who wants to pay $12.00 to sit through a movie with their eyes closed?  Not me, that's who.

I took a peek every now and then, hoping that the motion had stopped, and I could finally focus in on a face that wasn't 1/2 inch away from the camera.  Big mistake.

I made it as far as the genetically engineered hornet's nest, when I couldn't take it any more.  I abandoned my candy and blanket and made a mad dash for the exit, stepping on toes, and pop corn in the dark.

I spent the remainder of the evening with my arms hugging a ceramic bowl.   I won't tell you the rest, I don't want to spoil your next meal.  But I will tell you, that having a barf-fest in a public bathroom is horrible; second only to getting sick at gas station, or porta-potty.

And that my friends, is my review of Hunger Games.
Worst movie experience ever.
It was much better in my head.

My recommendation:
If you suffer from any kind of motion sickness at all,
wait for the movie to come out on Net Flicks.

And while you are waiting,
pray that The Girl on Fire gets a new director,
one that's over 40, and suffers from kinetosis. 



Eunice said...

Facebook friends are saying the same thing. What a bummer! Hope you're feeling better today.

Terrie said...

Now this is the kind of movie review I like...'cause I would have been in the stall right beside you!! Hope you recovered quickly!!

Kristi said...

now I am nervous- not sure when I will see it- maybe next week- maybe when it is out on dvd! yikes!

Rosie said...

so sorry you were miserable! We haven't seen it yet. I personally started the book a few years ago and had to stop-it so disturbed me. I have wondered if the movie would be better because it is only 2 hours. I may just wait!

I hope you were just motion sick-hopefully not getting something!!!

I tried to post comments awhile back and couldnt get blogger to take them!!

Keep writing! Makes me smile!!!

Jenni said...

one of my students told me that it was like this - good thing too, NOT a fan of the shaky video camera movies at all! i will wait for it to come out on dvd, as much as that kills me? but then again, books as movies are always disappointing, always...

hope you are feeling better friend!

Eve said...

I am so sorry it was such a bad experience for you. It took a minute for my eyes to get used to the camera work but I guess I should feel lucky I don't get so sick! I can't believe it made you throw up. :(

Colleen said...

I found that the camera was shaky for the first like 10 minutes in District 12, but then it calmed down, especially at the Capital.

annie said...

I'm in my 20s, and I felt the exact same way! I had to close my eyes at some point just to get my bearings, and I've never, ever had that experience in a movie before. It was such a shame, because the scenes -- especially as Katiness races through the woods -- should have been so powerful! (Plus, part of what I love about The Hunger Games is that Katniss is this strong, independent female, but her strength doesn't diminish the strength of her male counterparts. In the books, Peeta and Gale were such likeable, strong characters... and I feel like the movie really made them look... wimpy? I'm glad someone else felt similarly!)

Kacy said...

Totally agree! I just wanted them to back up and hold the camera still!

Chris said...

Hi Crystal, just stopping by to say how delightful your blog is. Thanks so much for sharing. I have recently found your blog and am now following you, and will visit often. Please stop by my blog and perhaps you would like to follow me also. Have a wonderful day. Hugs, Chris

kiddle97 said...

That was so me with one of the Bourne Identity movies. I can't remember which one -- but I think it was directed by Paul Greengrass, and to this day I feel sick just thinking about it.

Natasha and Jesse said...

Sorry you were miserable, but good to know. My husband and I have been debating whether to watch the movie or not. Now, we'll just wait till it comes out on video.